Hey lovies! What an awesome week it has been. I’m doing this new thing where I slow down my week. Wednesday felt like it sped up but every other day has been EXCELLENT. To Do Lists as a b/vlogging, Scope, Tweeting, Community Liaison, Medical Record Analyst who is also a mommy, wife, and friend are ESSENTIAL.
How have I been living my life without them? I don’t know. But this isn’t a year for mediocrity. It’s a year of excellence. It’s my #yearofpursuit
So WITH THAT I’m super pumped that this year I’m going to be releasing my first ever e-course and doing my first live event where I’m the organizer, facilitator, and speaker. WOO HOO!
Christina Xlimit is all about self-health/development. That comes about in many ways and one is through Embracing Forgiveness. Living a lifestyle of forgiveness is critical for you to live your best life. And that’s what we’ll be focusing on for the better part of 2016.
If you missed my vlog this week I talked about Why Forgiveness is Elusive and I wanted to bring that thought to this platform as well.
We all love the idea of forgiveness don’t we? It’s so noble. It’s so kind. It’s the “right thing to do”. We think we understand why we should offer forgiveness and we like the idea of being able to but so few of us actually live it out!
Why is that?
Why do we have so many voices talking about the same topic but not seeing the amount of success with it that we’d think? Probably because for most people forgiveness is still quite the mystery.
- It’s Abstract
When we talk about forgiveness we’re not typically talking about concrete steps to achieve it. We’re just talking about the concept of it, its importance, and repeatedly telling people they should offer it.
But as long as it stays conceptual it stays out of reach. Successfully achieving forgiveness is just like successfully achieving anything else in our lives. If you’re telling your spouse “I don’t feel loved” but you aren’t concrete on what would make you feel loved “I don’t know, just love me better” your partner will keep shooting in the dark and won’t meet the need.
Forgiveness is the same, in that, a lot of us know we need to forgive someone but we’re not quite sure how to articulate that forgiveness. We don’t know what steps to take to see it to fruition.
Not many authorities are having that conversation.
So instead of it being an easy (I use that word VERY loosely in regards to forgiveness) 1-2-3 process we have to figure out how to achieve it while also feeling the immense pressure to hurry up about it.
Unoffended person: “You need to let that go. You can’t harp on it forever!” You:*punches un-offended person in face*
Walking in forgiveness is hard enough. But add dealing with the offense, the pressure to forgive the offense, AND mapping out how to recover from it. Ummmmm Hard as HECK!!
But here’s the thing; it doesn’t HAVE to be abstract.
Plenty of us have learned to forgive and some of us have even reflected to figure out what steps we took to get there.
Don’t worry, it’s coming soon! “A Healthy Me Precedes A Healthy We: Embracing Forgiveness” Make sure you’re subscribed here to get it for free!
- It’s Hard Work
Some people think they can will forgiveness. You can’t! If you don’t put in the work you will NOT get results. Period.
Trying to will forgiveness is as effective as me trying to will this last 15 lbs off my body.
“GOOOOOSH it’s taking so long to lose this weight!” *as I finish off my 6th double chocolate fudge cookie today and don’t work out for the 3rd day in a row*
That sounds crazy right? That I’m feeding the fat and then being frustrated that it’s still there? (btw, no I wasn’t eating cookies…..ice cream LoL) Well, some of you are doing just that. You’re stewing in the offense and not doing any active work to move past it. So stop being shocked that you’re STILL offended and not walking in forgiveness.
On the other hand some of you aren’t even willing to admit that you need to do any work. You rather try to convince yourself and everyone around you that you’re fine and moved on.
I watched Janet Huberts video in response to The Smiths choosing to boycott #OscarsSoWhite and while I won’t delve into the issue of the hashtag I will say that what I saw was an embittered woman. The ache behind her words BROKE MY HEART. I didn’t feel like “ugh, why hasn’t she moved on” because I don’t assume she’s done the work to move past the offense from all those decades ago. I couldn’t even focus on what she was saying because all I could hear was her heart behind it going “ha ha that’s what you get for not having my back about my contract that year.” And when I said something about it on her video her response to me was that she was great.
*side eye* Okay girl!
When you tell a story of offense like it happened yesterday, 20+ years later, you’re probably not fine. But people do this all the time and it’s a huge reason they don’t walk in forgiveness. They won’t admit that they even NEED to do the work.
You have to address the truth that you have negative feelings attached to the offense, confront them, and then work to let them go.
It isn’t easy, not even for a second. (Remember, I used that term VERY loosely) But the work, though hard, is 100% WORTH IT!
- It’s a Gift to Yourself
Some of us hold on to resentment because we just aren’t aware of the gift that forgiveness is. Sometimes we get so caught up in “making them pay” for the offense that we hold back our forgiveness because “they aren’t worthy of it” instead of realizing forgiveness is really for US!
One of my great spiritual mentors, Mark Hollomon, once told me “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” (he’s also a published author, Google him!) He told me that probably 12 years ago and I’ve NEVER FORGOTTEN IT.
I was ending a relationship as a young adult and it was devastating.
I HATED HIM.
I’ve never hated anyone since and I hadn’t hated anyone before. So the feeling was hard on me! I confided in my father about how much it was bothering me to hate him, I wanted to forgive, and he probably said something like “fuck that mothafucka!” LoL because that’s my father and he knew the intimates and just felt like “be pissed off if that makes you stay away from him!”
But when Elder Hollomon said those words to me I realized I HAD to work through this for ME. It wasn’t about ignoring his calls to prove a point, hoping he saw the error of his ways, “sticking it to him” because none of that really did anything to him. I was still the one caught up in the emotion.
So I embraced that this process of forgiveness was going to benefit me. And when I finally was able to extend that forgiveness such a weight was lifted. He and I are now on great terms. When he found Jesus I was someone he could call and talk to about it. But if I hadn’t recognized the gift my forgiveness was for me, who knows if we would have ever been able to be at that place.
I hope that this 3 things have started breaking up the fallow ground in your hearts and minds to move you to a place where you can not only begin to work on forgiveness but to stick with the process of it.
My free e-course is coming sometime this spring that will be a 3 day process to start walking in forgiveness.
I’m so excited for what this year is going to bring for you all through me as I submit myself to this process.
Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a mystery and it doesn’t have to be something we talk about without attaining. It can be real and present in our lives. As you journey to this place there may be some dark and painful moments but you’ll never be alone in the process. Take me at my word and reach out if you need support.
I love you guys so much and I’m believing for your limitless lives.
Check out the vlog! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGmiEIu8u3s