When inspiration hits it’s best to just write. Don’t hesitate. Don’t edit as you go *even though I can’t help but to do that*. Just GO!
Over the past few months there have been some significant changes in my life.
Christopher and I love each other, dearly. He is absolutely my best-friend. But last year it got hard.
The summer of 2014 Chris started working at a local fitness club and lots of hours away with too many giggly female co-workers made my insecurities come bursting through the door.
December of 2014 Christopher’s ex-wife passed away while we were away on our family vacation which lead to a huge fall out with a portion of his family. Then when we got home he had a letter in the mail telling him that his employer had been acquired by another company and they weren’t going to keep him on.
For 6 months Christopher couldn’t find employment.
Chris, the guy who prides himself on providing for his family, couldn’t get employment. Yeah, you can imagine what that was doing to his mind and therefore our family. The beginning of 2015 I fell into a slight depression. And then things really got hairy. Things got loud. Aggressive. Hard.
The shit hit the fan!
I, with the help of my church family, was able to come out of the depression and that’s when Christina Xlimit (originally Christina Faith) was born.
Yay for me! Right?
A year ago, this time, I was full steam ahead on Christina Xlimit, Talk Back Thursday came shortly after, but my personal life was still difficult.
Chris finally got employment after resolving a clerical error in our city that had listed him as a felon.
Who makes that mistake? Ugh! So irritating. But YAY!!
So we moved forward, better than before. Then, something triggered and things started to bubble again.
What happens when the woman that tells you not to settle for less than you deserve and to never put up with any form of abuse seems to be doing just that?
I found myself at a crossroads. How do I remain true to myself without throwing in the towel either?
I sought out help. Chris sought out help.
Being an expert at how I’ve lived my life, what has worked, and what has been destructive doesn’t stop me from being human. It doesn’t mean that I’ll never live what I talk to you all about. It just means that I have lots of tools to pull from in order to help resolve my issues.
Christopher and I made some very clear goals as individuals and as a couple in order to be able to move forward in a healthy way.
Knowing better doesn’t mean we always DO better. But it’s our job, as lovers of ourselves, to attempt to live authentically at ALL levels of this experience in life.
Why am I writing this to you all today?
Because it’s easy to see my marriage, my life, my wisdom and put me on a pedestal. But my love, I will disappoint you EVERY TIME.
I can’t be perfect for you. Because I can’t be perfect for me.
All I can ever do is promise to be transparent. To share my tools and tactics. To never let your expectations of me keep me from living my truth and healing in the best way that I can for myself and my family.
That’s what all of this is about though, right? About being the healthiest version of YOU for the sake of your US; ME and then WE. It’s about living your life without limits; that includes the limits of people’s expectations.
Be honest and sincere with me as I will with you and I know that we will ALL live our limitless lives.
I love you. I’m praying for you. And I’m believing for your #limitlesslife.